


Nightmares

by dreamofalamprey



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Accidental wetting, Anxiety, Bed-Wetting, College AU? I Guess?, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Modern Era, Nightmares, Panic Attack, Pip Has Self-Worth Issues, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamofalamprey/pseuds/dreamofalamprey
Summary: Philip still has nightmares about what those guys did to him. Luckily, his girlfriend Theodosia is there to help.





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> leave feedback pls idk wot im doing but i hope you enjoy

_He couldn't breath. He felt sick and dizzy and panicky and oh, God he couldn't fucking breath. He was face down in the dirt, everything was dark and loud. He could feel Eacker aim another swift kick to his side. He thought he'd escaped this. He thought he'd gotten away. How had he ended back here again? Another kick, this time to his stomach. He heard someone say something he couldn't quite make out. He knew it wasn't good though. He tried to cry out, but his pleas were only met with angry jeers from above. He still couldn't breath. He was going to die here. He was going to fucking-_

"Philip!" 

Relief flooded his body as he heaved inwards. He was in bed, face pressed down on his pillow, which was wet with tears. He'd woken up sobbing. He couldn't make himself stop. The sound of Theodosia's gentle words only made him feel worse. 

"It's okay, baby, it was just a dream, you're safe-"

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from falling. He felt his girlfriend's hand between his shoulderblades, rubbing up and down, up and down, trying to make him feel better. He tensed at her touch, knowing his shirt was soaked with sweat and not wanting her to have to get it all over her hands.

It was pathetic that he was still having nightmares. George Eacker had been expelled a month ago, and, besides, he was too old for this sort of shit. Too old wake people up in the middle of the night by fucking crying like a child. 

"M'fine," he said sheepishly, not looking up to meet Theodosia's worried eye, and pulling away from her entirely, "sorry, I-"

He stopped mid-sentence, missing whatever it was that she was saying. Cold panic filled his stomach as he felt his sweatpants rub against the inside of his thighs, heavy and wet. 

"No, no, no," he said, eyes widening, voice already beginning to break with alarm. 

He didn't even need to reach below the covers to know what had happened. For the first time in what must have been fifteen years, Philip Hamilton had wet the bed. His  _girlfriend's_ bed. 

"Shit," he breathed, "shitshitshitshit."

"Hey, hey," said Theodosia, reaching out touch his arm, "it's alright, it's over, no one's gonna  hurt you."

She was trying to make him feel better about the nightmare. The nightmare, which had somehow become the least terrifying part of the situation. Philip couldn't help it as he started to cry again, letting out awful, dry sobs that he knew were making things a million times worse. There was no hiding this from her for long, and he had already fucked things up but having a fucking breakdown about it. 

He sat up, trying to force himself to stop, scrambling to get out of the bed and distance himself from the incriminating mess he'd made that Theodosia still had yet to notice. She was going to be so disgusted when she found out, oh,  _God._

"I'm sorry," he choked, covering his face with his hands because he didn't know what to do, "I'm sorry."

"What? Philip, what's going on?" 

Theodosia sounded scared. Not _scared_ -scared, but that sort of sad-scared. He'd messed up. He'd fucked up. 

He couldn't answer her, only whimper stupidly in the dark, trying to keep his tears at bay. 

He saw her shuffle with the blankets, recoiling when she stepped out of bed and turned on the lamp that stood on her bedside table. She squinted, trying to get her eyes to re-adjust, but looked back at him all the same. Her gaze fell from his tear-streaked face to his soiled clothes and her face changed.

"I'm sorry," he said again, so quickly that the words ran together, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't  _ mean to-"' _

"I know you didn't," she said, taking a step closer, her voice sad, "Philip, honey, come here."

He didn't move. There was no way that she actually wanted to touch him now. Or ever. 

He didn't object, however, when she took it upon herself to wipe the tears off his cheeks herself, touching the cool of her palm to his chin. He sniffed, trying to make himself stop already. 

Theodosia clicked her tongue sadly and stood up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. 

"Why don't you go and clean yourself off?" she suggested, "I'll take care of this and make up a bed on the couch, alright?"

She made to walk back over to the bed, but Philip lunged ahead of her, throwing his arms out. 

"N-n-no," he said, "I don't- I don't- just let me do it. I'm sorry."

Theodosia's face went sad as he rounded the corner of the bed and peeled the sheets roughly off of the mattress, balling them up angrily. 

"You don't need to get so worked up," she said, "it's only me."

"It's  _ not  _ only you, though," he said, voice quivering. 

"What?" 

"It's not  _ 'only you,'" _ he said again, eyes downcast, "you're like... a big deal. You're- important and you shouldn't have to deal with this stuff."

"Philip-"

He still didn't look at her as he continued, eyes watering all over again. 

"You're like- cool and smart and pretty and I'm just- I dunno- I'm all messed up and gross and disgusting and I just-"

He was crumpling in on himself again, putting his head in his hands as he fell down beside the bed. Theodosia joined him, embracing him so that his head rested on her shoulder. Her hair smelled sweet like vanilla, and she began rubbing his back again. Up and down, up and down. 

"You aren't any of those things," she whispered, "you mean everything to me. You've been through a lot, babe, and sometimes this stuff just happens, you know? I know it isn't your fault."

"But you don't like it."

She sighed. 

"I don't like it because I hate to see you upset. I don't like what those fuckers did to you. But I'm always going to love you, okay? No matter what?" 

He looked up at her, eyes glassy and still swimming his tears. 

"Promise?"

He hated how childish he sounded, but he needed to make sure. He needed to be comforted right now. 

Theodosia leaned in so that their foreheads touched. 

"Yeah, I promise." 

Even though these were exactly the words he wanted to hear, Philip couldn't stop himself from bursting into tears all over again. He fell into his arms and let Theodosia hold him, whispering to him and humming sweet nothings. He let her help him up and show him to the washroom to get rid of his wet clothes. She took him to her little couch and snuggled close to him so that his head rested on her chest. He sniffled, still not quite over all that had just happened. 

"I've got you," she said, "it's gonna be okay."

And, for once, he believed it. 


End file.
